Hope and Joy

For the first time in three years, I am not working retail for the holiday season. I haven't had to look at Christmas merchandise since October. There aren't mobs of crazed shoppers demanding that I find the perfect gift book for their dad's brother's kid's next door neighbor. I am free of the grudging dread I feel as I see the mobs start descending.

So what is this season supposed to be, if it's not a frenzied free for all at the mall? I was challenged at church last week to not let my holiday get as crazy and frenzied and busy as the rest of the world. I should use this time to slow down and reflect and take time out for the poor. And as I contemplated what I could do differently, I realized that the church calendar provides a season for reflection before Christmas. Something that as a nondenominational church, ours seems to have forgotten. It's something called Advent.

My mother's church has an advent wreath, and lit a candle each week before Christmas, but I never really sensed what it all was about. But it's more about hope--looking with hope toward God for our salvation. Like Israel did for centuries, waiting for their Messiah. It is also a time of expectancy.. when we can look with hope again, toward the second advent of our King.

So let us not look at the coming season with dread--but hope and joy. Joy that God does provide a way of salvation for His people, and hope that He is coming again to take us home.

Why don't we believe Him?

So God tells me that I am loved. That He has my best interests at heart. That He loves me so much that He sent His son to die for me. And nothing I can do can change that. I am enough for that kind of sacrifice just by my own little, lonesome, sinful self.

So, why don't I believe it?

Why are the other voices that I hear louder than the voice of the God of the universe? The voices on the TV that say until we have the latest thing, we aren't quite complete...the romantic movie that says we have to find our other half to be whole...the bank account that echoes with the hopes of "when I arrive".

And what about the dearer voices? What about the father who said with his absence that there wasn't anything interesting enough to keep him around? The guys who don't feel the same way, the bosses who downsize with no explanation

...and still others who leave only pain and feelings of worthlessness by abusing what does not belong to them.

And then there's the corroborating witnesses in our heads--the ones who keep convincing us that our sad conclusions are true. We are worthless, deserving of only small, mediocre, unsung lives.

Why are those voices so loud? Why do we believe "them"? Why is God's voice so quiet in comparison? Is He even there?

We know the answer is yes, right? Tozer says of God, "He is nearer than our own soul, closer than our most secret thoughts". Maybe the reason He doesn't shout is because he doesn't have to. He's so close, He needs only to whisper. We simply need to be quiet enough to hear Him.

So please.. would the world and the voices in my head--please shut up? I'm listening for the voice of the Almighty. To tell me I'm loved, to tell me that I am worthy because my worth is in Him. To tell me I'm safe from the howling storm that is the world and the voices that scream in the winds.

Faith and Foolhardiness continued

So I've been thinking about Kierkegaard again. And what I've come up with is this. I'm not sure I buy into the whole--believing in the absurd. Because, like I said, if you don't have the promise of God to cling to, then there's no guaruntees about what you're holding on to.

But we can believe that God is good and in control. And that if He asks us to do something we don't understand, we can trust that he knows what he's doing and obedience is still the best answer. We can trust that he's still looking out for our good and loves us and wants to bless us with the desires of our hearts. And that's even when the road seems dark and the son of promise is on the altar. I think this absurd faith Kierkegaard speaks of is still believing that God wants life to be abundant-- that he has a plan for us to give us a future and a hope--it's believing the promises are true, even when all immediate evidence would tell us otherwise. It's knowing God, and acting according to his nature and his love and not according to the circumstances of a moment.

Fuzzy thoughts

So it's a new month. And I have acquired a new head cold. And I don't want to do anything. Not that I was a blurr of activity before the cold hit. But now.. I just want to curl up under the covers and tell the world to go away and stop pounding my poor head.

In other news, it's finally feeling like fall. I get so excited when the seasons turn. Finally I can wear long sleeves and jackets. The air is crisp, the sky clear. And then, the clouds roll in and the damp settles into your bones and I'm counting the days until spring.

BUT, I think that's my cold talking. Because like a friend likes to remind me, rain makes the flowers grow...and through the drear is when we see rainbows best.