Stop the World I want to get off

Some days I just wish I could stop the world. Don't get me wrong--I love life and everything. I just, I just want a break. I don't want to go to work, and I don't want do the dishes and I don't want to take the trash out. I just want to sleep. And sulk if I want to. And have choice words with God if I feel like it. And just take some time to get my head around the reality that is my life. I feel like my world changes so often and so fast that I spend my whole existence adjusting to the new state of things, only to have it change again just as I'm catching my breath.

The wind is whipping everything up today. Leaves, trash--I actually saw a beach ball blowing down a city street. The weather today is comforting to me--it seems to me that God is voicing my irritation with everything and that He's still there...and I know He only stirs up my life so I hold onto Him --our shelter in the storm. But sheesh... I'd run for cover in a light drizzle, wouldn't I? No need for a deluge.

Point of View

I have a very distinct memory from when I was a child. I remember when I visited my dad, and he'd pick me up.. to show me something or hug me or whatever.. and I remember looking out over his living room and marveling of all he could see from there. The place looked so big! And much, much different than my usual vantage point, closer to the floor.

Now that I'm grown up, my eye level is almost the same height as my dad's. And I haven't gained much insight over the change of perspective...

But I was thinking about it the other day. And I thought, that I still can't see from my Heavenly Father's vantage point. He sees the whole picture and I can only see my little piece.. and until I'm with Him, I'm not going to see all He sees.

So I suppose the thing to do is to trust Him. That He sees more than I do...and that He'll reveal all in His time.

Saved from Vanity

Yesterday, my supervisor made a silly suggestion. All three of us in the department own Aran sweaters. (you know those lovely, wooly beautiful sweaters from Ireland?) And we wear them on occasion. So he suggested that we all wear ours today for our office meeting.

Now as I was getting dressed this morning, I knew the chances of him going through with this were nil.. but I'd feel bad if he did actually make the effort to wear his and my other colleague did, and I didn't, so I decided to put it on.. except that it really only goes well with jeans. (my sweater happens to be navy and green) but I'm not really supposed to wear jeans to the office and with the meeting the boss would be around..so what's a girl to do?

Ah, this girl had the brilliant idea to wear a jean skirt! The only problem with that is that I wear my incredibly cute, not so comfortable boots with that skirt, and I do walk several blocks from the bus station to work. I debated this problem in my head for a little while, and decided to risk the health of my feet and wear the skirt and boots anyway. I might be uncomfortable, but wouldn't I look cute and very Irish?

So on went the boots..complete with tights.. and I was looking quite cute, warm and still in the dress code of the office.. and I was even just in time to catch the early bus, or so I thought. And as I walked out my door, I looked down to the street...only to watch the early bus roll on by. sigh.

So, I don't live very far from work, and I do own a car. But parking is a bit of a hassle and it's just easier to take the bus. But the next bus wasn't for another half hour or so. I debated.. drive, and be hassled with the parking...or wait and take the bus. I decided to wait. Took out my "on the bus" novel to read, and my "on the run" breakfast of peanut butter crackers, sat on my couch and waited.

And then it was time to bundle up again and catch that bus. Off I go, I even found a closer bus stop (only a block and half instead of two) And I cheerfully stood there, even as my feet in my extra cute boots were freezing. I prayed while I waited. And waited some more. I said hello to the passers by and I waited some more. Still that bus wasn't coming.

Twenty minutes after the bus was supposed to arrive, I decide to keep from being really really late, I'd drive. Which I could have done an hour beforehand, if I had only known the bus wasn't coming!!

And all I can think is that God appreciated my efforts to conform to the dress code, and didn't want me to pay for my vanity by having to walk the long city blocks in my cute boots. So I suppose I should be thankful. Even more thankfully, I got one of the only good parking spots to be had.

And they say God hasn't the time to take care of our small concerns!! I beg to differ.

Truth in Song

I sang in our Christmas choir concert this past December. We sang some great carols, but my favorites by far were the pieces we sang from Handel's "Messiah". A friend recently reminded me to think of the lyrics we sang when I can't possibly see how God is going to bring about His glory in a particular situation..

AND THE GLORY, THE GLORY OF THE LORD WILL BE REVEALED
AND ALL FLESH SHALL SEE IT TOGETHER
FOR THE MOUTH OF THE LORD HAS SPOKEN IT.

He has spoken it.. so it really is already done. His glory will be revealed. And we're going to see it. Count on it!

Broken Things

Before his message this week, my pastor had my friend Claire sing a song. It was to remind us that God can handle our past--He makes old things new. I cried, as I listened to these words because my heart has felt like this...

Broken Things

You can have my heart
Though it isn't new
It's been used and broken
And only comes in blue
It's been down a long road
And it got dirty on the way
If I give it to you will you make it clean
And wash the shame away

You can have my heart
If you don't mind broken things
You can have my life if you don't mind these tears
Well I heard that you make old things new
So I give these pieces all to you
If you want it you can have my heart

So beyond repair
Nothing I could do
I tried to fix it myself
But it was only worse when I got through
Then you walked into my darkness
And you speak words so sweet
And you hold me like a child
Till my frozen tears fall at your feet

You can have my heart
If you don't mind broken things
You can have my life if you don't mind these tears
Well I heard that you make old things new
So I give these pieces all to you
If you want it you can have my heart

BMG Songs Inc/Verdugo Music/Word Music(ASCAP)

May we learn to bring our broken hearts to the only one who can mend them.

(for the podcast of the sermon and the song go to www.gracechapelpa.org, click on Podcast, and Broken Things from 1/20/08)

Impact of a Life

So, in my meanderings in history lately, I've been thinking about the impact of people--in a church, on a community or on a culture even.

Everyone has seen "It's a Wonderful Life", right? Where, George Bailey who thinks he has this small life in a small town realizes the impact he had by seeing the world as if he had never been born. It's full of good sappy lines, and it's Jimmy Stewart at his best, and if it isn't part of your holiday traditions yet, it should be.

Anyway, if the premise can be believed--that we have more impact than we think...then what are we doing with that potential? Are we impacting our world for good or ill?

I was also thinking of the fact that it's "Sanctity of Life Month" and we're nearing the anniversary of the passing of Roe vs. Wade. And I think.. what about all the potential that has been stifled since--the fact that half a generation has not been given the chance to live at all.. what kind of impact for good could they have had?

And I don't want to dwell on sad statistics, or make any kind of statement on hot issues. I just want to challenge those of us who have life. Those of us who have the resources to impact our world...

What are we doing with it? How will the world be different because we lived?

Thwarted

So, I was blessed with a laptop over Christmas. It's a pretty little gadget, and if it allows me to get online in multiple places, it will make working from home a possibility...so I'm thankful. But the thinkpad is making me crazy.. the screen is so big and pretty, it reflects the whole room and paying for wireless is bleeding my bank account..especially at Starbucks where it's 10 bucks a day! unless you want to pay for a plan..and try filling in those forms with usernames and passwords with a thinkpad that likes to skip all over the screen..took me ten minutes to sign on today..

Okay.. I've vented. It is lovely sitting in a starbucks to check ones email before they head off to work..I'm out of the office today on a campus..so it may come in handy there too.
So.. even so.. I love it.

Furtile Field

So not to harp on the history of my church some more--but I found out today that the guy who was the catalyst in starting the original Sunday School that became my church worked for the American Sunday School Union--which was sort of like a mission agency to reach all parts of America with educational materials and places to study them. They started in Philadelphia, and worked out from there--way back in 1817--starting Sunday schools and printing cirriculum to be taught in them. They were key in the spiritual recovery of our nation after the Civil War.

They had different campaigns to reach the whole country. But the funny thing is about the guy from Willow Grove, who ended up in Havertown--is that he was back at the beginning--back where the thing started, probably ten miles outside of Philly--almost a hundred years later. And they needed him. That stretch of countryside had no Sunday school to speak of.. so they formed one under his direction--and a church was organized 5 years later that still exists today.

So I suppose we should never think that a ministry is done--or an area covered when we're trying to reach the nations. We should follow God's leading, no matter how much we may want an exciting assignment. The people in our general vacinity need God's love just as much as the ones on the other side of the world--and vice versa. God loves everyone, and He leads in so many different ways.

And when we think about our roles in something keep in mind this transcription from the walls of Memorial Church at Stanford University---

The highest service may be prepared for and done in the humblest surroundings. In silence, in waiting, in obscure, unnoticed offices, in years of uneventful, unrecorded duties, the Son of God grew and waxed strong.

History of Grace

I'm up to my elbows in the history of my local church. We're celebrating our 100th anniversary this year, and I love the story of how it formed. So many ways that God has used this church on the corner to impact the community that formed around it.

I'm trying to track down the turning point though. For a while it was this vital place--growing, instituting new outreaches, planting churches, having training programs and conferences...and then that stopped, because it couldn't have possibly kept the same growth and still be the size it is now.. so I'm wondering what happened..
I mean, it's growing again, we're coming back as it were, but what happened in the mean time?

And how much of what they did back then, could we do now? And what was it that was needed? organization? leadership? Is it just a different time? Different generation?

Fascinating stuff. To me, anyway. For those of you that it isn't.. you needn't read.

Potential of Paper

You know how some people can't be trusted in a shoe store? or a store with lots of handbags? Well, one of my weaknesses is stationery stores (I also have an odd love of hardware stores, but that is a whole other story) I'm always buying blank books and notebooks. Blank paper just calls out to me.

But just think--all the great novels of the world that have ever been written--they all started with a bunch of blank paper! The latent potential of the unwritten page just beckons to me. One of the saddest things about not being in school anymore is the lack of new school supplies.

But it's a new year--with no mistakes in it yet, as Anne would say. A whole year of blank paper to write my story onto. Will it be a comedy this year? Or dare I wish, a romance? Or an enlightening tale of God's provision?

Well, I hope it's all of these things. The possibilities are endless..and I'm excited.

Auld Lang Syne

Such a funny old fashioned phrase, and one we only think about this time of year..course most of us don't even know the words to the song as I realized last night, watching some fireworks with friends, cheering in the new year. But from what I have heard of the song, it's a time of looking back and being thankful for old friends.

And friends are really what we're here for, you know? Service, work, life in general--it's cliche to say it, but they don't mean a thing if you don't have people to share them with--people to laugh with you and at you when you need it, to encourage you and to tell you that everything is going to be okay, God is still in control and life is still is good even when we can't see how its so.

And if you have people like that in your life, then years like the one I just had.. they don't seem bad. They seem.. stretching, and surprising and blessed.

Happy New Year friends.. auld and new.