Abba

Been thinking about how to love God, wondering if I do it well. I know Jesus said that if we love him we will feed his sheep and follow his commandments.

But I think it's more than that--because the Christian life is more than following the rules. More than doing what we should, more than serving others.

No, we love God when we trust Him. He's our Father. He's looking out for us. I think if we respond to our lives with more trust and less worry. More letting God do His thing and less telling Him how we want it done.

I usually get a better reaction from my parents when I treat them like a daughter should, as opposed to a casual guest. I'm more likely to benefit from the stores of their well stocked kitchen, some fresh baked cookies--when I come and hang out a while and sacrifice my time and help out if need be, rather then when I come in for a meal and leave.

God wants us to acknowledge him as Father, and then treat him as such. With respect and reverence, yes, but also with complete trust and dependence. We can say with complete confidence "Abba, Father..I hurt. And I need comforting." or "God, I trust you, but I don't understand. Help me understand."

I think that's how we need to love God. Not by just following the letter of the law, not by doing your best--but by trusting Him to be who He says He is. I'm not sure why this is such a revelation to me.

Bummed

As children, we're completely dependent on our parents. Dependent on our parents for our well being--physical...emotional...spiritual.

As an adult--I should be dependent on only myself...and God, and just let my parents be who they are, right?

Then why, even now, when my father disappoints me--when he says he's going to be somewhere and then is not--why do I still get upset?

Like I'm ten and looking out my front door for the millionth time since an hour before hand when he was supposed to be there...

I sort of wish I grew out of disappointment...or my dad grew out of not showing up.

Home with Casey

So on a lighter note.. I'm excited. I get to housesit this coming week (starting tomorrow) for a friend at work. She has the cutest house--and a wonder West Highland terrier named Casey. I think we'll get a long quite well.

Abundant need

So in my previous post, I was whining about wishing my life were different. And on some days that is so very true. But have you ever met someone who isn't like that? I mean, you meet them, and they tell you about their life and their pursuits and they love it. And you're sitting there almost wishing your life was like that. Wishing that you could say.. wow I love my life. And while you're thinking this, you wonder...mmm, maybe if my life resembled theirs, I would feel like that.

But what if, their lives, are filled with things you know to be destructive. Things you've been told your whole life to avoid. (namely, drugs, premartial sex and excessive alcohol) And because you want to follow the rules you've been given, to please God and family and expectations, you avoid these things.

And you fill your life with other good things, like books,and prayer and people and ministry and conversation and joy and laughter. And you know in theory, this is supposed to be it. This is supposed to be life abundant. Life so abundant that there's not room or need for those other destructive things.

And yet, life doesn't always feel abundant. And somedays, it seems the other people have it all figured out, and I'm left with mediocity and disgruntlement. Something has to be wrong with my focus. It's gotta be me. Life abundant is promised. Christ wants that for us. And He really does want me to stay away from self-destructive behavior.

I really must be looking in the wrong direction...

Love and God and mermaids

I don’t even know where to start to express where my head has been lately. Well quite literally, my head has been in a book… dreaming of dashing heroes and their gallantry. And when I’m not daydreaming about adventures that supposedly happened hundreds of years ago, I’m looking at my life and wishing it were different.

I have many blessings—please don’t misunderstand me. I have great friends and a great church and a great family. But my life doesn’t look the way I thought it would. In some ways it’s SO much better. I’ve learned to examine things more closely and the truths I’ve discovered about myself and about God have been so amazing and rewarding.

And I know it’s due to my reading material lately, but I’m wondering where my hero is? I’m not of a mind that says that I need a husband to be complete—to be happy. But I keep thinking that there is truly something missing. And I could say that it was because I wasn’t focusing on God enough and on my self too much and on my single status in particular…and that could be. But I also know that even when I’m communing closely with God, reading His Word and talking to him regularly, it is often to cry out and say—Lord? Why can’t I have what I long for? Why does it seem that everyone I know gets to have that—but not me?

And then there’s the fear, that what if God decides to give me a husband—and what if it’s not what I’ve looked for? What if it’s just something else that once you get it, it loses its charm?

It turns out that my mother was right—I have watched “A Little Mermaid” too many times. You know the song? The song that says.. I have all this stuff, but “who cares? No big deal… I want more!!!!” I only want what I can’t have. I can’t keep my eyes on all that He has blessed me with.

Changes

"Oh," she thought, "how horrible it is that people have to grow up -- and marry -- and CHANGE!"

Here I have to agree with my favorite quotable heroine, Anne Shirley. Changes in life really are hard to get used to. Whether it be getting married or having kids, or moving far away, people don't stay the same...LIFE doesn't stay the same, as much as we want it to some days.

Sometimes I wonder why God made it so that everything changes. But I think, as with a lot of the challenges he sends our way--it's for us to find stability in Him...the UNCHANGEABLE. So good to know there is something we can count on.