Birthday Reflections

Ok. So I have to come to grips with something. I turn 30 today. Yes, that's right. Goodbye twenties. I'm actually 30. It's weird.

It's not that I don't want to be thirty--I mean, the alternative to having another birthday is not having one and that would be bad. I'm glad to have a birthday. And I'm pretty confidant that I look younger than my age. People ask me regularly where I go to school and I love telling them that I've been out of school for eight years.

It's just...I thought my life would look different than this at thirty, that I would have more figured out. That being a grown up would be easier by now. The older I get, the more I'm convinced that everyone is just faking it. Just acting like they know what they're doing. I know the people I looked up to when I was a teenager were in their twenties and thirties and I was pretty sure they had life figured out. They were adults and knew how to do things and get things done.

But if they were anything like me now--they didn't have a clue, really. They just got good at looking as if they did.

Maybe that's what being grown up is all about. Knowing you're clueless, but being good at acting as if you weren't. Accepting the fact that you'll never really have it all together, but knowing that Someone will catch you when you fall and bring people into your life that are better at pretending than you are.

So here's to being 30. I can handle this. Honest.

Irish Courage

I'm feeling a bit poetic lately, I suppose. Here's another bit of pleading, this time found on the breastplate of St. Patrick:

Christ be with me, Christ within me,
Christ behind me, Christ before me,
Christ beside me, Christ to win me,
Christ to comfort and restore me.
Christ beneath me, Christ above me,
Christ in quiet, Christ in danger,
Christ in hearts of all that love me,
Christ in mouth of friend and stranger.

Gives us no excuses for cowardice.

Ah, to get away

Found this poem today.

Thanks be to God the world is wide;
I'm going far from home.
For I forgot in Camelot
The man I loved in Rome.
And I forgot in Kensington
The man I loved in Kew.
And there must be a place for me
To think no more of you.

- by Edna St. Vincent Millay


Somedays it's hard to escape our own thoughts.

The Last Penguin

So once there was this group of penguins. They hung out doing penguiny things--penguin parties, dance lessons, penguin feasts--they had loads of fun.

After awhile, the penguins start pairing off. One pair of penguins decides to stay together for always, then another pair. There was one pair that thought they might want to make a way together, but soon realized that it wouldn't work--- though most of them found each other easily and happily. But this merry band continued to pair off until there were a good number of pairs, all embarking on their journey as mates for life. But there was one left. She loved all her penguin friends--loved what each pair taught her. She also looked forward to the day that would bring her to her mate for life, and was patiently waiting until that day came. She watched as two by two, her friends left to make a life with each other.

She did have days when she was lonely, wondering if she would ever feel like she fit in. But she knew there were other penguins, and hopefully one for her some day. She also knew that her merry little band would always love her and include her in all their penguin shindigs, not to mention let her be auntie to any of the little penguins that might come along.

Forgiveness among Friends

So I've heard it said that forgiveness is the key to a close relationship with God. When we forgive we humble ourselves, let go of our pride and resentments and allow for the grace of God to work. I've also heard it said that holding on to resentments hurts you more than it hurts the person you are mad at.

When we chose to forgive, we chose to give our brokenness to God to fix. We forgive whoever hurt us and give our hurt to the only One capable of fixing it.

I've heard all this before. But this week? God has been showing me that His word is true. He will restore things that are broken, and work in others' hearts even as He's working in mine.