Tragedy and Triumph

So I've often wondered why for some people, life seems to come easy. All goes according to plan, things fall into place. It seems unfair that some people seem to have everything, and others--often those who we would think deserve it the most, have to struggle. A friend once explained it that God sometimes let's us face hard times so we come to know him in a deeper way, so that we grow in our knowledge of Him. One wonders if you come to a point where you can't grow any more.

I've also heard it said that God has the right to break a vessel to show what he has poured into it. Because only in our brokenness does our true source of strength show.

So this guy, my prom date, has had an eventful time of it since high school. And the happy events of college, and marriage and going to seminary and having a baby girl might have been overshadowed by tragic events such as an accident, the death of his wife, and multiple injuries to recover from...but for the grace of God.

God promises us that he won't give us more than we can handle. I have no doubt that his promise is true--but sometimes I wonder about what he thinks one man can handle.

My friend told me of what had happened to him, and turns around and asks me what he can pray for me about. He says that he has seen the hand of God provide at every turn. He finds the good. He seeks to be a blessing to others.

And I'm amazed. At his faith. To see someone who has come through the fire and come out still praising God on the other side is quite a beautiful sight to see.

my almost high school sweetheart

So I didn't like high school. Well, maybe I did. But I didn't like high school nearly as much I liked college. I always liked the school work, and I had some good friends--I guess it was the politics of high school I never liked. The popular and the not so popular..I made it by in high school.

One of the highlights of my senior year was a guy who was in my economics class. He was looking at some of the same colleges I was, and he was terribly funny. Shy.. quiet--but funny. He'd make snide comments in class under his breath so I could hear them and I would laugh--usually loudly.

He threw on the track & field team. I managed the girls team. He'd give me rides home from meets. I always had such a fun time when I was with him. Something about him put me at ease...made me forget my awkwardness. I found a journal entry from high school and one of the things on my list of things to do was to get him to pay attention to me.

So imagine my elation when one afternoon, after a meet, in his car, outside my house, before I went in.. he asked if I'd like to do something with him sometime. And I said sure! and after he drove away? I did a little dance of joy on my driveway.

And we went to the movies, and to a fast food place afterward. And it was great. And about a week or two later, he called me up and asked me to the prom. And I was elated again...

And prom was just lovely. I mean, as lovely as awkward teenage rituals can be. I found friends during the fast dances, and went back and found him for every slow dance. I don't remember all the details of the night, but I loved being there with him.

Awhile later, after graduation, possibly the following year, I came into some preseason football tickets. And since he was practically the only guy I knew who liked football at the time, I called him up. And we went. We got lost on the way, and he got frustrated, but we went. And had a great time, from what I remember.

And then I lost touch with him. I saw him briefly after college at a retail store where I was working, but nothing more.

Imagine my surprise when he found me on Facebook a few months ago. And was single.

Still breathing

I was informed by my dear big brother that I've been remiss at blogging as of late. I'm sure he's the only one that has noticed, but just in case he's not, I'd like to say that I'm still alive and kicking, and should have something to say soon.

Sometimes it's a matter of having too much to say and not knowing where to start. Maybe I'll start at the very beginning...a very good place to start.

Greatest of these is Love.

So I just started a study with some girls from my church on the Fruit of the Spirit. And we started with the first and foremost fruit of LOVE.
And I was struck when we were talking about how God is love, that God has to be so much more. HE has so many more characteristics other than love, doesn't He? His justice and power and His beauty--and yet, maybe it isn't our definition of God that is lacking.

Maybe it is our definition of LOVE. Maybe true love encompasses all that God is. And all the wonder and beauty and might and mystery and steadfastness that is the God we serve.

So if we allow God to love others through us? When we choose to say, I can't do this, but you can Lord. What amazing love will be ours.

Profound and not so profound

My brain has been on another planet for the last few days and I'm not sure why. Actually, I have my suspicions, but I will probably leave my speculations til another time...a time when things are clearer, and wonderings are more solid.

But until then, I feel like I should have something profound to say. Life goes on around me, and it occurs to me that I, a lover words, should have some deep observation to make, using eloquent turns of phrase.

And yet, oddly enough--I'm out of words.

Tell me why

Why is it that we so often look to what is missing in our lives? Why do only want what others have, instead of enjoying what God has given us?

I am abundantly blessed. I just moved into a new house. It's a very cute house, and I'm renting it with a sweet friend, for very little money. My landlord is my church, my commute is short. We have a front porch and brand new windows and appliances. We even have a yard and neighbors--and an attic.

My family is all healthy, and doing well. They're also closeby. My mom and I like to hang out. My dad is still safely trucking around the country. My brother and his wife just had another baby--another boy. I'm an aunt again.

I am employed. I work as the assistant of one of the funniest men I know, who cares about me and how I'm doing, not just how I do my job. I get to help proclaim God's love to dark corners of the world for a living.

And best of all, I know Jesus. I know He has taken all of my hurts and sins and paid the price for me. I know that I can spend eternity with Him.

Pretty great life, right? I need to see all He's done, instead of what I think I need. Because I'm so very often wrong.

Ancient Civilizations

So with all I have to do this week, there's no way I should have picked up a book to read. But I was sick last week, and started one--oh, but it was a good one...and it's so good--I just had to start the second one after I finished the first.

For anyone who has read Francine Rivers books, you know what I'm talking about. The Mark of the Lion series is about ten years old. But they are amazing. They're set around Rome in about 70 A.D. and they follow the forturnes and trials of one slave girl, the family she serves and a gladiator she befriends. The characters are so lifelike that you want to cry for them and scream at them sometimes, and of course know what happens next in their lives.

I also find myself learning from them. Hadassah is the name of the slave girl--and her quiet persistant faith and witness is incredible. She has this peace and joy that is evident to all who know her. It always makes me wonder what people see when they look at me.

The other interesting thing about these books, is their depiction of Rome and the moral decay one could find there. Since the story includes a gladiator, there's much talk of the games, and the bloodlust of the Roman mob. And as you read, you are disgusted that people could be so cruel--but the more you read about the society they live in, the more you see how they could have come to putting so low a price on human life.

But then as you read, you find their morals sound eerily familiar. The idea that there is no absolute truth, and you need only to look out for your own happiness, and those traditionalists are all wrong, and we should live for today and get all we want and...

So I'm not one to sililoquize over the moral decay in America today, but something resonantes with me when I read these stories. The once great, invincible Roman empire crumbled. Scattered to the four winds. It makes one think.

An Eye Condition

So I've suffered from an condition my whole life..and it has to do with where I look and what I see. I get so focused on my life and my problems that I feel overwhelmed, and depressed...or I get judgemental and snobbish... and neither one is healthy or helpful. I mean, just this week..I've been sick and tired and stressed and...

And then I hear from friends-- friends who have lost love ones tragically, women who have suffered multiple miscarriages, people who struggle with their health day after day after day...guys who've lost their jobs and can't find another.

I hear stories from afar of people who don't have enough to eat, who are dying because of not enough supplies or resources or food or shelter..I read blog entries online of people who are hurting so much that they think there is no hope in the world...

I see that I have been abundantly blessed. With family and friends, with shelter and food, with money enough in the bank and a job that I enjoy most days. And more than all that--I have been blessed to know that there IS hope in the world. And love and truth and beauty. And Someone who loves not only me--but all those who are hurting around me. And when I can comprehend that--really soak that in...

The only possible result is praise, and suddenly my eyes are clear again.

10,000 Hours

I went to a conference this weekend and one of the speakers said that you had to spend ten thousand hours doing something before you would be good at it--so if you look at it in a year--if you spend one hour a day doing something, for a year--you'd spend 365 hours. So in this speaker's estimation--it would only take you 27.4 years to get really good.

So in all this abstract estimation, I decided that I like to write. I want to write. I worry that I don't write well. Or I write tritely. Or I write silly drivel that no one else would want to read. But the important thing is that I write. So I'm going to try and commit to writing every day...

And just think..if I can get up to two hours a day.. it should only take 13.7 years to get really good.

Humbled by a Happy Thought

So I've thought emailing forwards and those tests and quizzes was a bit well juvenile. But there are a few that are going around Facebook recently that grown adults I love and respect seem to be doing. One is 25 random facts--and I've thought about doing that, but I'm not sure if I know 25 completely random and interesting things about myself, though I may try. But the other one is the "Things I know about you" one--where you list the last 20 or so people who posted on your site, and give them numbers and then you answer random questions referencing the number. It makes some interesting answers.

I was totally amazed when I got one in my inbox today, and a friend of mine posted in answer to the question What is the worst and best thing about number 15? (#15 being me)
"She can be her own worst enemy, but I would not be where I am today without her."

And I do know the first part is true--my own insecurities do tend to hold me back more than anything else.

But what if the second part is true too?
I'm awed and humbled by that.

That God would use me to make such a difference in one person's life. And maybe my friend tends to exaggerate, and just has a way of turning a phrase..but it was definitely a happy thought for me today.

Giddy

So I know I'm supposed to be a grown-up. But I get so giddy and kid-like when I see an Amazon package waiting for me. Such an amazing event--getting books by mail. Maybe it's the fact that these will not only provide excitement and enrichment in this moment, but in all the moments after when I open each book. I know it's an old saying that a book is a present you open again and again--but I do believe it's true.

Epiphany

I know it's several days past the actual day of Epiphany, but I wanted to take a minute to tell of an insight that God allowed me to see recently.

At church we had been discussing the origin of sin, and why Eve went and ate that fruit and why didn't God just step in and stop her. He could have easily shown up and said.. ah ha--what do you think you're doing?? and they would have said.. Oh.. I'm sorry Lord, it'll never happen again. Things were perfect in the Garden, so God probably wouldn't have yelled too much--so just the rarity of the event would have had an impact. And life would have gone on perfectly. Why didn't God do that?

It seemed easy enough to explain. God wanted to tell a redemptive story. He wanted to give mankind years to try and do things on their own. And then say, here's a way. He wanted to show them what they were saved from. What His grace bought them out of--He wanted them to see that. So he waited several thousand years before Jesus appeared.

Would we have realized His grace and mercy if we had stayed in the garden? If everything had stayed perfect, would we have looked to him for our perfecting? I can't know for sure, but I don't think so. Isn't it human nature not to know how good we have it? God wanted to be sure we knew how futile it was to do things on our own.

And as I sat in my Sunday School class, in this discussion, I realized something. God is doing the same thing in my life. When he makes me wait for things--such as a husband and home of my own--He's allowing me to see that my fulfillment doesn't (or shouldn't) come from those things. My identity is found in the fact that I'm a child of God--not in my marital status. I'm not sure I would have appreciated that had I not had this waiting time.

And when and if they do arrive--I will know to treasure them. And love the Giver of these gifts more, because in His grace, He allowed me the time to learn to love Him.

So let us not let the time go duly by.

Under Construction

So inspired with a new year--I have plans to make my blog pretty. So bear with me and it should be looking spiffy in no time. Whether it will be insightful as well is yet to be decided.