Love and God and mermaids

I don’t even know where to start to express where my head has been lately. Well quite literally, my head has been in a book… dreaming of dashing heroes and their gallantry. And when I’m not daydreaming about adventures that supposedly happened hundreds of years ago, I’m looking at my life and wishing it were different.

I have many blessings—please don’t misunderstand me. I have great friends and a great church and a great family. But my life doesn’t look the way I thought it would. In some ways it’s SO much better. I’ve learned to examine things more closely and the truths I’ve discovered about myself and about God have been so amazing and rewarding.

And I know it’s due to my reading material lately, but I’m wondering where my hero is? I’m not of a mind that says that I need a husband to be complete—to be happy. But I keep thinking that there is truly something missing. And I could say that it was because I wasn’t focusing on God enough and on my self too much and on my single status in particular…and that could be. But I also know that even when I’m communing closely with God, reading His Word and talking to him regularly, it is often to cry out and say—Lord? Why can’t I have what I long for? Why does it seem that everyone I know gets to have that—but not me?

And then there’s the fear, that what if God decides to give me a husband—and what if it’s not what I’ve looked for? What if it’s just something else that once you get it, it loses its charm?

It turns out that my mother was right—I have watched “A Little Mermaid” too many times. You know the song? The song that says.. I have all this stuff, but “who cares? No big deal… I want more!!!!” I only want what I can’t have. I can’t keep my eyes on all that He has blessed me with.